Blog.

I had four pieces of deep fried chicken for lunch yesterday. Immediately after, I inhaled two pieces of freshly greased roti soaked in oily curry sauce. Later that night I cut up pieces of banana and smothered chunky peanut butter over each slice and ate it. Much like what I did this afternoon. Tonight I went to a hockey game and dipped dozens of nachos into a steamy side of melted Kraft cheese.

I just finished taking a bath in a tub of lard.

Changing my life. One day at a time.

Let me just preface by saying, I feel incredibly self-important as I write this, but I think there’s a need to clear up any confusion to my devout readership of three. I guess I could’ve just sent you each an email, but I didn’t want this very critical message to be lost amongst the frivolity of your inboxes. So I’ve recently started a Tumblr in addition to my regular blog.

Tumblr is home to the notable minutia I come across on a daily basis, as well, it feeds off my blog, collecting all my posts. It’s updated frequently, because often times, I’m just posting videos, images or very short blurbs.

The blog is home to all my writing – of more substance. It’s tumblr, but with the fat trimmed.

I hope everything makes sense again. I’m sure you were all feeling very discombobulated. Please, carry on with your normal lives now. Everything will be okay.

So all three of my best friends are now in happy, committed relationships. I, on the other hand, am a level 7 priest, wandering the stone paved roads of Stormwind Castle, looking for a candlemaker, while trying to complete the quest for the Garment of Light in the World of Warcraft. God. I really need to get my life together.

I work in an industry dominated by men. I think I’m becoming one. An ultra nerdy one at that.

Here’s a list of my recent activities:

- spent a Friday night watching ‘Batman Begins’
- spent a Saturday night watching ‘Casino Royale’
- bought an Xbox 360 and played videogames for the entirety of my holiday
- stumbled upon Best Damn’s Top 50 Unforgettable Sports Moments and was completely engrossed
- watched the entire Bourne series over two days

and the kicker…

- joining World of Warcraft

I’m getting a pedicure and having a lingerie pillow-fight with my girlfriends this weekend, while watching Sex and the City and reading Bridget Jones’ Diary.

All I do is sit here, watch TV, prowl the internet, sleep, cough and update my tumblr.

Hey, a couple random questions –
If a guy calls a girl “dude”, does that mean he’s not interested?
What if he calls her “ugly loser”?

BTW – all my plans are canceled, so I still look gross. I know you were wondering.

Back to back posts. Dude, I’m bored. I guess I’ll go update my Facebook.

What a pitiful sight. It’s a Friday night. I’m sitting alone in my room, all dressed up with nowhere to go. I’m wearing a stretched hoodie over a desperately worn-out tank top with black leggings and striped socks to boot. And my hair is also dirty, clumping into some mean dreadlocks as we speak. My sister just came into my room and told me I smell like stink.

Everyday, I thank God for making me so irresistible.

Well, truth is, I’m actually sick, boldly picking up one of those adorable post-Christmas Bugs. It’s so cute too, all virusy and bacteria-ridden – congesting my throat with phlegm, rendering me a very recognizable man on the phone; propelling me to coughing fits that part crowds and elicit glares that scream “stay the F away from me”; but it really had me with the vomit-inducing nausea. We enjoyed some precious moments over the porcelain toilet bowl together.

I’m getting better though. I actually have plans for the rest of the weekend. I might even wash my hair for them.

And yes, I posted twice today. Don’t get used to it though. For a look at the random interests of my life visit my tumblr. I’ll update that more often, frankly because it requires much less mental effort.

Have a great Friday night, okay?

Leave Britney Spears alone.

And just for your reference – here’s the wack job.